I: Doubt
by Shimegami-chan
Summary: [I] The suvivor of a dozen wars must learn to tell the difference between reality and fantasy. The last of the original Chosen becomes the first Tamer, at the loss of everything he holds dear.


Digimon's not mine. Don't sue. ;_;  
  
  
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Shi-chan: I'm baaaaack...  
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(I search)  
Doubt  
By Shimegami-chan  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: _Ohisashiburi!_ It's been a while. I've been busy doing non-fanficcing things; translating and working part-time and becoming addicted to IRC. (Join us in #wolfpackproductions [key = wolfpack] on Dalnet!) I've also broken my wrist and am wearing a rather annoying cast on it, so that puts a (literal) crimp in my plans. I don't type too well one-handed. ^^;; And my laziness is letting my Support Services go to waste, so...   
  
I've decided to take this project back up again and start with one of my favorite characters. :) I'm going to do the Tamers as well as the Frontier kids (I'm running out out alphabetical-order names ;_;) so here's the ending of the 02 set and the opener of the Tamers. Enjoy! 

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akiyama ryo~dare to dream 

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I am the digital survivor.  
  
The only one left.  
  
I am a wanderer travelling the desert.   
  
I am a homeless man sleeping on city streets.  
  
I am a hero. I am a friend. And yet I am alone.  
  
  
  
  
We didn't come this far for you to make this hard for me. It's hard being here myself, without even a partner. I don't know if I could go back to the real world, unless I managed to decide what I'd do when I got there. Do I still have a home to go back to?   
  
My memory holds stories you would be envious of, you know, stories I'd love to tell if and when we ever see each other again. It's a wonder I've managed to sqeeze so much 'adventuring' into a couple of years. Did you think I ever was a normal teenager? If I was, I don't remember it. No, my story's different--really, more different than you know.   
  
First there was the basic stuff. I went to the Digital World one night during a power outage, became Chosen, saved Yagami Taichi and the world, etc, etc. Did you know that? Maybe you forgot, or I imagined telling you. Maybe it never really happened.   
  
That was the first Illusion.   
  
Then there was the time you and I went together; that I remember well. You invited me to your house to see your computer, and we travelled through the Digital Gate. I met V-mon, my--partner?--and friend. I made many journeys to the Digital World like that; and each time was presented with a series of enemies to defeat. I saved it more times than I could count--with you and Wormmon, with Agumon, with V-mon.   
  
And then there was the Seed...   
  
My battle--and I escaped unscathed as usual, while you were the casualty. You were young and I had made a promise to protect you. What a mistake...when you were unconscious for all those long days, I felt as though my heart would break. It was my fault that you had come to harm.   
  
None of us ever imagined the darkness the Seed would spread throughout you, least of all me. The last time I saw you, when I went back to the Digital World for the last time, you seemed to be recovered. I suppose that was the second Illusion.   
  
These memories, inside my head...could they really be real, or some product of my imagination? Sometimes my rationality surfaces and presents me with the possibility that it might be some sort of psychosis, or some disease of the mind that makes me lose sight of which of the Akiyama Ryos within me is the real one. Could it be the lone adventurer, Gennai's Chosen wild card, the digital survivor? Or the happy-go-lucky Jogress partner of the boy who would once become the Digimon Kaizer, and rule with an iron fist the world he once protected? Or could it be the Third Illusion, the Ryo from the newest set of memories, a brash loner with a bloodthirsty partner, master of the Digimon card game, savior of both worlds?   
  
I cannot tell, for every one seems real to me, and yet in no way could they possibly all be true.   
  
I can never reveal this weakness...this doubt. I can never be certain who I am. Was Akiyama Ryo really real at all? Perhaps I am just some deluded child making up fantasies, or a tired old man looking for escape. I imagine I am young, healthy, wealthy, famous. Who are my parents? Where do I come from? Tokyo, Shibuya, Shinjuku; or born and raised in the Digital World? Who are these people in my memories--Taichi, Koushirou, Ken, Takato? Are they real? V-mon, Cyberdramon...and Agumon and Wormmon, who were always there for me--what has become of them? Have they been discarded in the back of my mind by my subconscious, like a toy a child has broken and thrown away?   
  
I wander the landscapes, peering into them for a hopeful glimpse of old friends forgotten, but I find none. Only strangers walk among me; Gekomon who recognize the name of Tachikawa Mimi but not of Akiyama Ryo, a group of five kids who stop to ask me if I know the way to a 'Forest Terminal,' an unfamiliar fairy Digimon fighting a Woodmon in a Floramon village. Many Chosen roam this land now, thanks to the efforts of the group of kids who defeated Vamdemon where Taichi and I could not. I have been forgotten, if I ever existed.   
  
I wonder if it was worth it.   
  
I keep walking, lost in thought--or just lost. I wish I could say for sure...Osamu...Taichi...Takato...though I treasured my solitude in the past, I have never wished so much as now to see your faces.   
  
Cyberdramon...   
  
V-mon...   
  
_Ken..._   
  
Where are you?   
  
_Who am I?_   
  
  
  
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Shi-chan: A cookie to anyone who figures out the Forest Terminal reference. 


End file.
